Are you a College Football Fan? Do you currently have, or do you anticipate having a Head Coach opening at your school in the near future? Do you have a website or blog & a strong desire to make money off gullib-err-passionate fans? Then look no further!! You need BroncoCountry.com's guide on how to properly start a "CHRIS PETERSON TO..." rumor on the internet, and watch your hits skyrocket!!
Chris Petersen is one of the most sought after Head Football Coaches in America, but he has stubbornly refused to leave piss-ant Boise State and chase the almighty dollar.
However, that doesn't have to stop YOU from cashing in on Petersen's popularity and making a little hay while the sun shines.
Chris Petersen is the inventor of 'Pete's Poison', one of the most potent offensive systems in recent NCAA history. His brand of football is exciting, successful, and now for a limited time, on sale.. at least in rumor form.
Our system is GUARANTEED*. Using our freshly copyrighted proprietary brand of rumor, innuendo, and fabricated facts has proven to be foolproof. It's the gold standard. Every College Football opening in the past few years has included a version of this script.
Let me restate that.
EVERY JOB OPENING OF SIGNIFICANCE IN FBS IN RECENT YEARS HAS USED A FORM OF THIS SCRIPT.
Here's a quick teaser..
- They ALL have a source in Boise.. which kills me because we had to work for nearly a decade to get our very few sources, and they all get them within an hour of their coach being fired, damn the luck.
- They ALL know that Coach Pete loves their area of the country because, well really, who wouldn't? I mean, if it's good enough for them, then it must be special to Coach Pete as well.
- They ALL have Athletic Director's that are Pete's childhood best friend, or through some other means they are super, super close and spend Christmas vacationing together.
- They ALL have WORLD CLASS Children's Hospitals right next to their campus for Coach Pete's orphanage of special needs children.
- They ALL know that Coach Pete is not happy with Boise State's conference affiliation and that it's a source of contention with Pete and the Boise State Athletic Department.. because Pete wasn't part of the decision to go to the Big East.. He in fact opposes it.
- They ALL are in very serious negotiations with Coach Pete, but the sticking point is always MONEY because Pete always wants so much money.. it's what motivates him after all.
That's just a sample. The full kit includes all the pertinent information you'll need to make your rumor look half-way believable. We'll give you names of important players who you can claim have tweeted about Pete's departure, we'll include an aerial shot of a house that could be the Petersen's with a "For Sale" sign on the lawn. And we'll include important facts, like WHY a Children's Hospital is a factor that helps your school, and where Pete has coached previously that indicates he'd coach at your school.
I kid you not.. it's that simple. Use our cookie cutter outline and YOU TOO can start your very own "Coach Pete To"... rumor and have as much validity as ANY of the rumors on the internet right now.
For the low price of just $19.99, (payable to "COACH PETE TO.. Script" c/o BroncoCountry, Boise, Idaho), you too can start a "Coach Pete Too..." rumor and amaze and wow your friends as your internet hits soar through the roof.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!!
If you act now we'll also throw in this special, limited edition, "BOISE STATE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE RANKED BECAUSE OF..." cookie cutter list that includes such all time favorite reasons as:
- They only play 1 good team a year and it's their superbowl.
- Their conference schedule sucks.
- I'd like to see them take on a decent team week in and out like MY TEAM in XXXXX Conference.
Act now and we won't even point out the incredible hypocrisy of coveting Coach Petersen as a coach and yet discounting all of his achievements as an unbelievably lucky combination of scheduling bad teams while they're still good, trick plays, and a horrible Conference Strength of Schedule.
Hurry now, order numbers are limited to the exact number of coaching vacancies there are in the 2012 season.
*note: Guarantee is not guaranteed to produce actual results, only internet results of rumor mongering and pandering to the very lowest form of tabloid quasi-journalism. Prolonged usage will cause loss of credibility, ridicule, scorn, and possible anal leakage.